Oldest Biblical Text Now Online, Codex Sinaiticus Contains Some Surprises!

Funny story written by Pointer

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

image for Oldest Biblical Text Now Online, Codex Sinaiticus Contains Some Surprises!
Codex Sinaiticus is sans fig leaf

Finally one of the oldest biblical manuscripts has been posted online for all the world to see. The authoritative text has some surprises for the everyday Bible reader. First off, there was no apple in the Garden of Eden. The forbidden fruit is not identified though its description is mighty close to the pomegranate.

The ancient manuscript demonstrates that death is not the punishment for eating the forbidden pomegranate. The first parents were never meant to be immortal. Disobedient indulgence in the multi-seeded pomegranate would only speed up their mortality. The serpent that tempts them to eat the Chinese apple is no devil at all. In the true Biblical text, it is just a creature that loses his legs as punishment for the tempting of the first couple.

As for the first pair, ask most Bible readers and they will tell you that the woman brought the fruit to the man and tempted him to eat. Sinaiticus makes it clear that the male dolt was there all the time and that his eating was practically contemporaneous with the lady. The supposed shame for nakedness is no where to found in the oldest text.

Churches are being pressured to revise their doctrine now that the average believer can read the text for themselves. As a result, doctrines relating to immortality, the devil, sexual modesty and the inferiority and frailty of woman are being banished from the Abrahmic faiths. Apples have experienced a rally in the worldwide fruit market and pomegranate stocks have taken a serious nose dive!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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