There have been widespread food blackouts, making Gazza very hungry, according to his local fish and chip shop in Gatestoon, County Tha Naws, and greasy fingers have been pointed at local ex-footballer Paul Gascoigne, whose weight and eating have made Luciano Pavarotti look like Twiggy.
The shop has run out of food after Gascoigne, also know as 'Gazza the Thin One', had gone on a massive binge of eating and drinking, and smoking cheap cigarettes.
'I couldn'ah believe it, m'n', said a passing stereotype,'Gazza's belly could feed half of the Palestinian Toon for a year, nae problem.'
Mr. Gascoigne's agent, a Mr. Bluenose Wastewasher, said: 'Sir Paul has had a few problems in his otherwise pointless life, and now I'm sending him off to be target practice for the Israeli Defence Force - I mean, they could hardly miss that huge, fat lump of lard.'
But Yasser Arafatty's summing up gave the world hope that Gazza would be able to outlast this latest setback. 'My Swiss bank account is ready for more donations', he said, 'and the day Gazza Strips is the day I lose the will to live.'
Mr. Arafat emigrated to Brazil four years ago, but his lookalike now runs a fish and chip shop in Gatestown.
