Vatican Gives German Online Boost

Written by matwil

Saturday, 10 May 2008

The Roman Catholic Church has given the ancient German tongue a boost by launching a website in Deutsche.

The Vatican website now has a Nazi section - 'Vee Vere Onlee Obeying Orders, Honest' - with German and even Austrian texts and propaganda.

Pope Benedictler is an advocate of German, and denies any iffiness at all, despite freely joining a Nazi organisation when millions opposed them, but his fascist past has caused confusion amongst a few trillion Christians.

'We used to think Jesus stood for peace and love and forgiveness', said Heidi Hess, speaking from her bunker in Berlin, 'but now we know that the Fuhrer was actually the Messiah, and Jesus was very, very bad, maybe even Jewish!'

And speaking from Tarsus, in Syria, a randomly-chosen passer-by, a Mr. Saul, commented: 'if a brain-damaged chimpanzee can become the President of America, why not make a Nazi the leader of the Christian faith? Who'd notice?'

Religious analysts have questioned the wisdom of a German-speaking, goosestepping National Socialist claiming to inherit the traditions of Jesus, but a spokesperson for the Israeli Government said: 'Why not? Hitler taught us everything we needed to know, just ask the Palestinians trapped in their Gaza ghetto.'

But opposing this view, a Mr. Jesus H. Christ, in Dallas, Texas, while taking off his white pointed hat, said: 'We have ways of making you give us your money, that'll be $100 please.' Martyr Saint Tony Blair was being stoned to death while this interview took place.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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