With Buddhist Monks now all the rage due to their heroics in Tibet, Samantha Morgan, 20, from Leicester, England warns against their 'other worldly charms'. Pregnant with Holy man Lama Loka Panesh's child she told our reporter yesterday,
"My Mum Janet and stepdad Colin used to be friends with Lama Loka, they used to attend the Buddhist monastry where he was studying to become a Brahmin ,and believe me that's the D.B [*] of Monkery"
Sam continued,
"At first I trusted him. He would come out with words of wisdom such as,
"'The secret of happiness lies in the mind's release from physical possessions', and then lean forward and grab my Cobs" [**].
"I'll never forget the day he whispered in my ear"
"'Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned', then asked me if I took it up the Oakhampton Bypass".
"He assured me that Buddha would not allow, 'life to be created between the two of us' but as usual he was talking out of his arse."
Sobbing uncontrollably Ms Morgan said,
"I only hope my story warns other young women away from these dodgy Monks. Lama Loka promised to 'get in touch with my inner Karma'. The only thing he ever seemed interested in touching was my Lisa Stansfield".
When I told him that I was expecting his child he simply clasped his hands together and said,
"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles".
"The bald headed twat"
[*] Dog's Bollocks
[**] Quaint Leicestershire word meaning bread roll, or bap or in this case, left breast.
