(Los Angeles CA) The Church of Scientology now boasts the most adherents of any religion. There are now 7.5 billion scientologists compared to only 900 million Roman Catholics and 1 billion Muslims. The Church also includes the past lives of thetans in its census. The church was founded in 1952.
"We really have grown!" says Tom Cruise. "It's not just a religion for scary, sexually confused people anymore. Just look at my thetan wife and beautiful thetan daughter. On second thought--don't!"
Thetans are aliens from space. They are busy designing crop circles and mutilating cattle when they're not 'auditing' strange celebrities to 'clear'.
John Travolta is another celeb that follows the religion. "I just think it is so cool because Scientologists believe there is no absolute right or wrong. Just look at how it's helped my career. On second thought--don't! I will never recover from that icky musical I did last year no matter how many more lives I live."
