Written by Jesus Budda

Thursday, 20 March 2008

image for Mark Lowton Doll Goes On Sale
'Malibu Marky' is selling well

An articulated doll based on 'popular' TheSpoof.com master Mark Lowton is being released - defying critics and toy company executives initial reservations by easily reaching a pre-sale target of 50.000 units.

The 'anatomically correct' figure, which retails for $49.99 is made by the same 'reputable' Chinese company, which produced the infamous 'Polly Pocket' dolls released before Christmas. Those dolls turned out to be actual miniature bonsai human babies and resulted in a national scandal.

"We believed in the product", said the toy company spokesman, "Lowton is revered throughout the world by both children and adults alike. Ok, maybe we were a little surprised that we managed to sell more than 2 of his action figures, but considering our initial investment we're going to make a massive profit".

The doll, which comes complete with a range of accessories such as a sandwich and a fake moustache, is made from durable lead. Lowton's extensive interchangeable costumes are made from asbestos and polyester- just like the real thing.

"Notice the fine detail on the face and body", said the toy spokesman, "hand painted by blind crippled, epileptic orphans using toxic radioactive paint. See, it even glows in the dark when you take it to bed at nite".

On the dolls back there is a string and when pulled it is supposed to say a range of different 'witty' phrases in Lowton's own unique voice - but on the version we tested it just said: "I love sandwiches".

We are promised that this is just a glitch and that the retail version will say things like "I'm sorry, your story is unsuitable for TheSpoof.com" and the cryptic "You will be sadly missed, Eric".

The dolls aren't being shipped until Monday but we talked to one lucky theSpoof.com writer who pre-ordered his early last month.

"I was one of the first to order", said an overly excited Jesus Budda, "the first 50 buyers get a special limited edition signed Mark Lowton poster from that fashion shoot he did for Pirelli last year. I will cherish it like a small mangy rat with bad breath".

Indeed, Lowton's own lady 'wife' was also one of the surprise early purchasers.

"As soon as I get mine I'm going to check that it's as anatomically correct as they claim", she whined, "considering the actual dolls only 4 inches tall, I'm sure it will be pretty much exactly like the real deal".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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