(Washington DC) The United States today quietly added Great Britain and Ireland as the 51st and 52nd states respectively. Great Britain is now called Fish Island and a reunitied Ireland is now called Guinness. The other British islands are on their own because Americans don't know they exist.
Fish Island was named for the great, beloved, and much admired Spoof writer, and Guinness needs no explanation.
"This is a great day for all our new American brothers and sisters. The Homeland is joining with The Motherland in an incestuous union." said a drunken President Bush in a Rose Garden luncheon at the White House. Lunch was fish and Guinness ale in honor of the two newest states.
The monarchy was immediately abolished by the president. Liz and Phil Windsor will stay at the Palace and they will still receive food stamps and welfare as they already do. Charlie Windsor says he would probably get a job as either a dentist or a marriage counselor.
President Bush then appointed Eliot Spitzer as the first governor of Fish Island--"because he knows a lot about fish!" laughed the insane president.
The president also appointed Ted Kennedy as the first governor of Guinness. "I can't think of a drunk more appropriate to take over the job, especially on St. Patrick's Day of all days!"
The extremely drunk president of the new 52 states then burped and vomitted fish and Guinness all over himself.