GENEVA -- Virtually all G8 Summit Members and guest nation representatives meeting in Geneva earlier this week declared the plummeting US dollar "unattractive."
Italy's Finance Minister Padoa-Schioppa opened the meeting negatively by declaring "America, face it--your haggard ex-presidents aren't exactly George Clooneys."
He shortly thereafter advised "You want a more attractive (US) dollar? Then slap on a pic of Alessandra!" a reference to Alessandra Mussolini, granddaughter of famous Benito Mussolini and a former Italian extremist politician whose spreads graced the pages of 1983 Playboy Magazine in Italy and Germany.
Schioppa was followed by Iranian Sheikh Abdul Ghazilyanz, one of several non-member invitees. Abdul spoke far less diplomatically, decrying the dollar's 'in God We Trust' motto, displayed prominently on the currency's reverse.
"That motto is a blatant slap in the cheek to all Allah-fearing nations. It's one more reason to abandon the dollar and transact only in Euros. Then add in all the promising talk about the Euro's Anti-Christ symbolism and you break the camel's back," proclaimed Abdul. Many apocalyptic believers contend that the Euro's engraved images represent the Biblical Woman of the Apocalypse, the Anti-Christ, and the end times.
Iranian-aligned outgoing Russian President Vladimir Putin expressed suspicion over the dollar itself. "I find that ominous eye on the pyramid creepy. It's like 'Big Brother here. I'm always watching you'. You really can't trust a currency, or even a country like that."
Representing Canada -- America's increasingly antagonistic northern neighbor - Beatrice Hoszier bashed the bland bills. "Using the same color on all the currency is, well, a bit loonie!"
America's other border nation stood alone in defending the greenback. Jose del Oro, Mexican Finance Minster and majority owner of Cash Rapido, a fast-expanding chain of check cashing and money transfer stores in Texas, seemed appreciative of the dollar. "We continue to extend a warm 'bienvenido' to the millions that our ex-patriots send us every day."
On the exchanges, the dollar continued to approach or set all-time lows against many foreign currencies.
