Man Kills, Cooks Drinking Buddy

Funny story written by Dan Bristol

Sunday, 25 April 2004

MEXICO CITY - A Mexican cook killed his drinking buddy, cut up his body and boiled him in herbs, according to police who suspect he may have been turning him into tamales.

Prosecutors said on Wednesday they had arrested Carlos Machuca, a tamale-maker, at his home in the western city of Morelia on Tuesday, after receiving an anonymous phone tip from a disgruntled customer who claimed that Mchuca's tamales contained too much human flesh.

Officers found a man's mutilated corpse in the living room and body parts simmering in aluminum saucepans on the patio, state prosecutors told Spoof reporters.

"We saw the flesh and the tamales, and our first impression was that he was making tamales with the flesh of the deceased, although it has yet to be confirmed," Lorena Cortes, a spokeswoman for Michoacan state prosecutors, said. However, mutilated body in one room, boiling meat in another - do the freakin' math, people!

Cortes also told The Spoof that Machuca, 56, may just have been trying to dispose of the body . . by making tamales of him. Police say he stabbed the man through the heart in a fight after they had drunk together.

Tamales are made of packets of maize dough with a savory or sweet filling, typically wrapped in corn husks or banana leaves. They often contain pork, chicken or if you're a psychotic drunken Mexican tamale maker, human flesh.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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