Beijing Threatens Ban on Nocturnal Emissions in Pre-Olympic Cleanup Effort

Funny story written by AAJetMan

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

image for Beijing Threatens Ban on Nocturnal Emissions in Pre-Olympic Cleanup Effort
An unwitting bystander follows some Chinese athletes on their way to morning training

BEIJING, CHINA - In a firm clampdown on its dirty ways, Beijing's local government Party is considering a ban on all nocturnal emissions in advance of hosting the 2008 Summer Olympics, according to a government insider that leaked the story.

The restrictions, in effect from sundown to sunup, would effectively render illegal all "Party-defined nocturnal emissions".

According to the report, newly-appointed Beijing Mayor Guo Jinlong plans to prohibit emissions from vehicles, factories and other "anthropogenic sources."

Cited by the World Health Organization (WHO) as having pollution levels 5 times acceptable levels, WHO spokesperson Pedro Puebloenvios stated that "it's high time that preventions be invoked" in this city of some 15,000,000 people.

Many local businessmen, however, fear repercussions on productivity coupled with an unhealthy pent-up demand.

Manufacturing plant owner Mr. Wong Taixhm expects the ban to create hardship on his production, where business activity currently runs 24/7 just to keep up.

"We can go maybe one to two weeks without releasing product, but after that, pressure will be at a bursting point," stated Taixhm, through a translator. "There's no way I can hold back until late August", the timeframe marking the end of the summer Olympics.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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