David Irving, the holocaust denier, launched his latest epic saga at a media event in Dachau today. Irving, of indeterminate age, said the new book will shake the very foundations of the major nations, and rattle fillings in others.
The book, entitled "THE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING (and more stuff)", claims that the author's research into the so-called Holocaust, which he has long since proved to be a media beat-up, led him to uncover the truth about the so-called Second World War. He also claims to have uncovered a button from the tunic of a Napoleonic soldier. He further claims that that the 1945-1990 Cold War actually started out pretty hot in 1939.
Irving's research has shown him that WW2 started not when Germany invaded Poland but when the Soviet Union invaded Poland. The Western Allies attempted to evict the Soviets, and Germany only became involved when it's forces tried to keep the combatants apart.
For the next 6 years the brave warriors of the Third Reich battled to bring security to Europe and the world, only to have their own country bombed to oblivion as the West and USSR used the planet as a battleground. When Adolf Hitler, Germany's much loved pacifist Fuhrer, finally realised that he could not stop this disastrous war he took his own life. Shortly after this the warring nations became aware that everything between them had been flattened, and except for the fact that Germany was gone, nothing had really changed. So they stopped fighting and the USSR kept Poland (and several other countries it had picked up along the way).
Embarrassed by the destruction they had caused for no tangible result the protagonists decided that they needed an excuse, and seeing that Germany was no more, laid the blame on the Nazis. They also chose to invent the Holocaust to make the Nazis seem more evil. This fabrication was so widely and cleverly disseminated that many historian believe it to this day.
At the end of his presentation Mr Irving picked up his Napoleonic button, scratched his bollocks, gave the Hitler salute, and goose-stepped from the stage.
