Washington, D.C. - Monday, 2/16/04, 7:35pm Eastern time, escaped monkeys took over the White House. Though rampaging and loudly destroying government property, the group wasn't detected until about 8:57pm the same night.
"We just thought it was Bush doing his regular thing, you know?" a Secret Service agent commented.
Apparently the primates ripped down several historical paintings and shat upon the president's desk in the oval office. The group of about 35 monkeys remained mostly confined to the presidential dwelling areas which was the reason cited for the lack of detection.
"I don't know. Mr. Bush likes to get rowdy with his things sometimes. We didn't think anything was wrong. It was actually kind of quiet compared to most nights." a White House security officer said.
After crapping on the presidential desk, the monkeys began tearing out carpeting and howling around 8:00pm. That evidently lasted about 30 minutes before the monkeys somehow lit some drapes on fire with sparking electrical equipment destroyed earlier, shortly before the aforementioned defecating commenced.
"They shit all over my desk! This is outrageness! I can't rule the country from a shitty desk! People will think I am infit for the job! Get these badgers out of my office!" an unofficial source quoted President Bush as saying upon discovering the chimps himself around 9pm.
"We really had no idea. The smoke is a normal thing. We can't be expected to differentiate howls." said another Secret Service agent.
Mr. Bush is expected to write a book about his ordeal entitled "Monkey In The White House: A President's Tale" despite being advised against it by campaign managers.
"What do they know about badgers... I mean donkeys... I mean monkeys anyways? Did they have to clean the poop up themselves? Did THEY have to sleep next to one because they forgot Laura was giving a speech in Lithuania? NO, I am the one who sleeped with a monkey." the president said in a statement to the Press early Tuesday morning.
