Teddy Roosevelt would be turning in his grave after reports today that Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and the Republican latrine queens, Larry Craig, Bob Allen, Ted Haggard, Glen Murphy Jr., Mark Foley and Joey DiFatta all went to Cuba to smoke big fat cigars.
"We miss our little whorehouse in the southern hemisphere," says Catholic priest tosser and sometime "cleric," Teddy Kennedy. "It was our favorite place to hang out back in the 60's."
After an early arrival and a limousine ride to Hotel Saratoga Palace in Havana, the group was met by white-gloved staff and put up royally, protected by members of Fidel Castro's own elite. The staff at the hotel made sure that the Republican latrine queens had adjoining bedrooms with bathroom bidets and hard tile floors that carried sound when tapped.
After the group settled in, "Buffalo Bill" Clinton and his "Congress of Rough Riders" were said to be have taken poolside refreshments on the deck of the hotel's heated outside pool. They snacked on Doritos, drank mojitos and smoked Butfuk royal vintage torpedos.
After relaxing a bit and freshening up, the group was said to have gone for a walking tour of Havana where they encountered famous landmarks such as the Parque de la Fraternidad, one of the first hang outs of Spanish tosser San Cristobal de la Habana in the 18th Century;La Viagra, Ernest Hemingway's old house where nothing has been touched since he staggered home one of the many nights and almost caught his house on fire after falling alseep with a lit cigar; And the famous Bacardi Building where Ted Kennedy made a scene at the rum fountain holding his head beneath a statue of dictator, Fidel Castro holding his dick and urinating Bacardi Rum.
Legend also has it that a Cuban fruit bat attracted to the smell of sugar in the distillation room, somehow got into the plant and began drinking the mixture. Pretty soon, it was too drunk to fly and fell into the vat. And that's why Spaniard, Don Emilio Bacardi put the talisman of a bat on his Bacardi Rum bottles.
After they returned to the hotel, the group was said to have enjoyed paella and ceviche at Havana gourmet La Fem.
The group was planning to attend the world famous, Tropicana Cabaret this evening where they will be entertained by Trogan Horse Belgian gypsy belley dancers and
British he/she tosser dominatrixes prancing around in black-laced garders singing 1970's American pop songs about "frogs" and persons named "Jeremia."
No word yet as to how that turned out.