Written by Dr A Friend

Wednesday, 5 October 2005

image for Huge Oil Deposits Discovered in France, Spain
Artist's impression of a huge Franco-Spanish oilfield

In a shock announcement today the world has learned that huge reserves of oil have been discovered in the south west region of France, near the border with Spain and close to the Basque region.

Conservative estimates put the reserves at 100 times as big as those in Saudi Arabia, with the added bonus that these new oil deposits are just a few miles from the Atlantic ocean, making export easy. Red Adair, the famous American oil icon and troubleshooter, is very excited about the prospect of developing these new deposits. "Being close to the sea makes the lives of firefighters like me that much easier", said Red this morning via satellite phone. "It's just like having your neighborhood fire hydrant on the doorstep".

President Bush has welcomed the find and used this news announcement to remind Americans of their deep and meaningful ties with the great French nation and its people. "We have so much in common with France", a smiling Mr Bush said whilst out jogging with 1500 CIA colleagues this morning, "Why, they have champagne and fries and Disney world - culturity just like us".

Mr Bush reminded the eager press pack that France and the USA had historical connections too. "In France they even built a Statue of Liberty in Parisville - just like the one we have in New de Gaulle - but they decided to dismantle theirs and ship it out somewhere else", added the beret-wearing president.

"And Secretary Powell has told me that some of the D-day landing beaches were quite close to France, that great city in Europeville", explained the president enthusiastically, "And he should know, having served in the military, unlike me".

Of course, some of the press pack knew already that General Powell had something to do with the US Army some time ago, mainly from the photos of him in uniform they had published over the years.

Questions from reporters regarding Dumball Arsefelt's speech about liberating the French oilfields "at all costs" were dismissed as Democratic party election propaganda by Dr Condette Cherie-Morte, who explained that Dumball's straitjacket had been recovered, that he was now very comfortable and under sedation again. She denied the French offer to "reduce the original 13 colonies to radioactive dust" had anything at all to do with the US government's retraction of Mr Arsefelt's invasion threats.

Meanwhile, suggestions that the oil deposits on the Spanish side of the Pyrenees stretched all the way to Mexico were strenuously denied by Foreign Secretary Jack ("clutching at") Straw. "As far as the so-called 'Hispanic link' goes, any connection between these oil finds and the British servicemen trapped in Mexican caves is purely, coincidental", said Mr Straw, looking up from studying his book on "101 Things for a Nice Boy to Do in Libya".

A spokeswoman for Ripoffcheapair confirmed that although company policy on flights to Mexico is to charge passengers extortionate prices for ice cubes, drinks, air, food, use of toilet facilities and even farting en route, it is quite common to issue free satellite phones to travellers who are keen cavers and live in the Hereford district.

Mr Bush, 17, is due to end his rehab programme in November this year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: France, Spain

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