Dali Lama says Blackwater chief will be reincarnated as a fly

Funny story written by King David

Friday, 5 October 2007

image for Dali Lama says Blackwater chief will be reincarnated as a fly
Erik Prince reincarnated as a fly

It was confirmed today from somewhere high in the Himalayan mountains that Blackwater USA founder Erik Prince would be reincarnated as a fly. Blackwater has been in the news lately defending their position that they acted in self-defense after killing 17 civilians and wounding 24 in a recent incident in Baghdad.

Prince, a long-time devotee of the Dali Lama and defending his company's position, said that all of his men acted in self-defense while operating in "a very complex war zone."

"We train our men in the principals of Zen Buddhism," the frugal man continued. "They are all practicing non-attachment to life."

But many disagree since, "the green fly," as he is called by many of his Yogi detractors, has over the past four years secured over $1 billion dollars in federal contracts. "What kind of non-attachment is that?"

Others criticize the US government for the circus-like atmosphere is Washington that makes it easy for defense and security contractors to reach into the cookie jar coffers and grab a contract unopposed.

The Dali Lama said that he was impressed with Prince's ability to make his men invisible and said that all companies should be concerned with the "footprint" that they might be leaving.

"He is showing his fly characteristics early," his excellence said. "At some point we expect him to return to a larvae stage and wiggle around like a worm."

His excellence also said that he was impressed with Prince's amazing stab at assigning monetary value to human life. "We've never seen anything like it in the mountains of Nepal. $15,000 for a life. How did he do those numbers?"

When asked if there was any moral problem with killing, the Dali Lama simply said that "voidness cannot injure voidness" and quoted from the Tibetan Book of the Dead.

"You have a mental body made of instincts; even if it is killed or dismembered, it cannot die."

Afterwards, he took a piss on a rock and mumbled these words like a song,

"Men have, O young man, deeds as their very own, they are inheritors of deeds, deeds are their matrix, deeds are their kith and kin, and deeds are their support. It is deeds that classify men into high or low status."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more