Portimao, Portugal - (Disaster Press): Police investigating the May 3rd disappearance of little Maddie have said that the McCann parents' frenzied "Diana-style PR campaign" of making themselves the focus of attention made them suspicious.
"WTF is going on? our bosses asked when we saw over £600,000 of celebrities' funds pouring in to finance a media circus the likes of which haven't been seen since Diana first got sidelined as a wacko flake," Portimao officers said today.
"Of course this couple deserve the full support of a full and thorough police investigation.
"But they took over the entire agenda with a very public lobbying of UK Prime Monster Tony Blair and then Gorgon Brown.
"We thought: 'Pressure, pressure, pressure!' as the McCanns threw their weight around as if to remind us cops just who was really in charge of the story.
"Then a huge posse of British celebs were press-ganged into hogging the investigation limelight: David Beckham, Richard Branson, JK Rowling.
"As if that wasn't enough the Pope was next on the hit list, ensuring the McCann family was always strategically placed on the sympathy hirewire when public support for them was already immense.
"But what did it for us was when Gerry McCann felt the urge to lobby corrupt-as-hell US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales in a very public show of political chicanery that left us officers here in Portimao gasping at the sheer audacity of such spin.
"The final straw was that extremely well publicised meeting with President Bush.
"Now, tell us straight.
"Are these the actions of typical desperate parents in a similar position?
"Just how many other distraught couples whose child has gone missing do you know who are able to pull off these kind of publicity stunts?
"If this little girl Maddie had been the child of a single mother on benefits just how long would Social Services have stayed away before taking her other two youngsters into care before launching a neglect probe?
"Or even trying to lock up the mother in a mental ward for suspected incriminating illness?
"So you can see we are simple quite flabbergasted here in Portimao."
