Eighty Year Old Bert Set For Stardom

Funny story written by Duff

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

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Bert Tompkins looks set to be the next big thing

Veteran music hall turn, Bert Tompkins, is set to make an amazing comeback more than 45 years since he last trod the boards.

A delighted Bert, speaking from his 1960's caravan in Stoke on Trent is delighted and gushes.

"Sorry about that son! It's these new pills the doctor's put me on. They mess up the old water works" apologises the 82 year old turn and septuagenarain.

After he's cleaned himself up he tells us:

"I was sittin' at 'ome like when the old dog and bone goes and bugger me, it's that Simon Cowell geezer off the telly! Bert, he says, we want you to be on the next lot of Britain's got talent.

I was flummoxed to tell the truth 'cos I can't do anything really. The only time I've been on stage was helping a magician when he called me up from the audience"

But diminutive entertainment Svengali, Cowell, brushes Bert's lack of talent to one side with a dismissive brush of his hand in a sideways motion to one side.

"Listen chum, I'm Simon Cowell and I can make anybody a star! See? So don't waste my time!"

So look out for Bert when the new series or "season" as they call it in America is broadcast or "airs" as they say in America

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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