In news that will shock the Western World, President Bush today announced that he is to retire from Public Office by the end of the month and, "follow the flowers to San Francisco".
In a dramatic change of heart Mr Bush, who now wants to be known as Cosmic River, told our American Correspondent, Peter Musgrove:
"For a few years now, probably since the night of 'Shock and Awe', I have been seriously evaluating my belief system.
"You have to remember I was brought up within a strict Republican home. Father talked constantly about the need to spread Americanism throughout the world. I'll never forget the December of 1953. I was seven at the time. I asked Dad what he would like for Christmas and he said, 'Son, what would I like for Christmas, I'll tell you what I'd like for christmas son, A Burger Bar in every goddam town in Christendom , every goddam town in Christendom'
"I bought him a tie "
With Sandalwood jostick's burning to eradicate the smell of top notch Moroccan Black, 'Cosmic River' continued:
"It was talking to Willow and Moon [pictured above] that finally made me face up to the fact that I was living a lie.
"They made me realise that 'a joint in the morning is a day without sorrow'. Peace is what we all yearn for. I'm not talking just external peace but an inner peace that will help us achieve Karma "
With this the President kissed our reporter firmly on the lips and offered him a 'Heavy Bong' which we can only assume was some kind of military weapon which Mr Bush was now turning his back on.
On Monday Vice President Dick Cheney takes over at the White House and the War against terror continues in earnest. God Bless America.
