Freddie Mercury "Did NOT Die From AIDS"

Funny story written by Aisubeki Akiudo

Thursday, 9 August 2007

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Who Wants To Live Forevaaaaah? Not Freddie.

LONDON (Defecated News) - Pop Legend and arse-bandit extrordinaire Freddie Mercury (born as Farrokh Bulsara) lost his battle with life in November 1991. The cause of death had always been presumed related to the AIDS virus he caught suprisingly while having unprotected sex with gay men in the 80s. A recent test, however, appears to tell an entirely different story.

"We analysed samples of Freddie moustache hair, just because we were bored and had extra funding to spend, but the results were shocking. Freddie Mercury may have died from inhaling chewing gum." said London top specialist Dr Quentin Krisp.

The mechanism of injury and death according to Dr Krisp was that "Freddie was having some Nicotine Gum, and though he'd try to sniff some to get more of a high. It would appear that rather than sniff, he inhaled and the gum lodged at the apex of his trachea causing suffocation and death. Quite sad really. I liked the song These Are The Days alot."

Her Majesty's Coroners have decided to keep the cause of death as the same - taking a big puff.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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