Limuru, Kenya - (Ass Mess): Official: Kenyan asses in the town of Limuru have been ordered to wear diapers in public on aesthetic, religious and sanitary considerations.
A municipal order dated 16 July warns that any bare-assed ass is liable to be shot for non-complicance in a measure that Limuru's mayor, James Kuria, says will put his town "way ahead" in his country's social thinking.
But many donkey owners are unhappy and insist their beasts are given parity with cows who currently carry exemptions.
Limuru's cynics think the measure unworkeable because many beasts will easily rebel if their nether regions are tampered with in the proposed manner:
"There's a reason they're called asses, you know," one skeptical resident told the press today.
"And how in hell are we supposed to make them wear these diapers in the first place?"
Meanwhile the nearby Nairobi Chamber of Commerce & Industry is remaining tight-lipped regarding reports that Kenya's President Mwai Kibaki has secretly secured the only East African franchise for production and retailing of a brand-new, fully-patented and copyrighted World Wildlife Fund-approved Ass-Diaper.
And that he fully intends to pass a national legislation making the ass cover-up mandatory across the entire country.
"He might even get away with it, who knows," A Nairobi official said today.
