Written by Mr. Wizard

Friday, 15 June 2007

image for Approval of Brain Implant a Boon to Couch Potatoes

Cyberkinetics Brain Systems, Inc., Foxborough, Massachusetts, recently announced that the United States Patent and Trademark Office recently issued a patent entitled "Microstructured Arrays for Cortex Interaction and Related Methods of Manufacture and Use," to Brown University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Cyberkinetics is the exclusive licensee of the patent, which relates to the next generation of Cyberkinetics' BrainGate neural interface technology.

"While this is really exciting news for patients with motor neuron disease, there are applications for the general population as well," announced Pupeinda Pantz, Manager, Corporate Communications "Imagine the possibilities for those people too lazy to walk across the room and turn a light off, now with no more effort than a thought, these people can interact with and control their environment."

The technology promises to allow people to move less and do more.

There still is a lot of work ahead for the technology company, as most of their clients would still have to wipe their own butts, but there is a deal in the works with subsidiary companies to address this very issue.

Eileen Dover - President and Chief Executive Officer and Director of Cyberkinetics stated that while she was accustomed to having other people wiping her butt for her, she could certainly see the benefit for less powerful people in the United States, and, eventually, worldwide to use the emerging technology. "We are assisting the move to a classless society, where no one will be expected to wipe another man's arse."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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