English people are the lardiest in Europe - it's a fact!
A survey completed last week found that compared to our European neighbours, we scored highest in thigh flab, pot-belliedness and neck girth.
Two average people from each of the competing countries were chosen for the survey; Germany picked two supermodels, Spain sent in the measurements for a hat-stand and a deck-chair, and France offered seven year-old Siamese twins with a combined eating disorder.
Asked why England had chosen Vanessa Feltz and Johnny Vegas for the survey, a spokesman replied, "England wins sod all these days, so it will be a real boost to national morale to come top at something for once."
