New York, NY - In a long-overdue move on Sunday, the United Nations unanimously denounced Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler for ruining the swastika and his trademark moustache for the rest of the world.
Particularly vocal was the German delegation. Ambassador Hans P. Freeley addressed the assembly, saying, "My whole life I have wanted that moustache, and now I shall never have it!"
A tear was seen to leak from the ambassador's eye as he eloquently argued to condemn Hitler for ruining what could have been a comedy staple for the ages, pointing to its effectiveness for Charlie Chaplin.
Also condemned was Hitler's ruining of the swastika, long a Sandskrit symbol of life and renewal, and now a hate-filled insignia. Amateur xenobiologist and Dutch ambassador Jaan von Treebenhoofenschnicker lamented, "I got one tattooed on my ass while finding myself in India. What the hell am I supposed to do now?"
The condemnation was internationally hailed for its vision, if not its punctuality. Israeli ambassador Moishe Bergman perhaps said it best when he commented, "Fuck Hitler!"