Using herbs, poultices, incense and water from the cave of the dead in Belize, Mayan priests in Guatemala are cleansing the sacred cite where the evil Bush is scheduled to visit. They are also performing a centuries old ritual called paper soaking.
This ritual calls for using a thin paper made of tree bark and absorbing octopus blood in it as an offering to the gods of death. Their goal is to ward of any evil spirits that may be gathering, or left by the incompetent president.
The president has been on a week-long tour of Latin America trying to promote more free trade initiatives which have become increasingly popular in the region. So far, the president's reception has been anything but friendly.
As he flew into Sao Paulo, South America's largest city, 100,000 protesters took to the streets and destroyed everything in their path making very clear that they didn't want him there.
An additional 50,000 Mayan tribesmen were also said to have gathered in the Brazilian rainforest while piranhas in the Amazon River were also said to be ill at ease from the president's visit and were reported swimming at lower depths.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, the president's arch nemesis in Latin America, had this to say to the president: "Ho, Ho!, Gringo, Go Home!" And said that an anti-American rally would be held in a soccer stadium in Argentina tonight where effigies of the spoiled former fraternity brother and incompetent leader would burn.
Voodoo dolls of the president were reported being made in record numbers by Mayan tribesmen who will use them to torment him.
One Mayan chiefton, Chief Hasanchakkawil, the 51st descendent of a long line of Mayan kings, said in Cakchiquel:
Konojel ri winaqi' kan kalaxib'en pe ri kolotajïk, ri junan kiq'ij, ri junan kejqalen, junan kich'ojib'al pa kik'aslen, xa achi'el k'a ri kik'ojlen, ri kinojib'al kichajin xa tik'amun k'a chi nimaläj konojel xtikajo' ki'.
"All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood."
This was reported to have come from Article 1 of the Mayan Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
In the background, it was reported that witnesses heard other tribesman saying:
"Cibat uchi yutzcin nucach suka," or "In you go sucker."
Further reports of the president's visit to Latin America will be forthcoming.
In other news today, calamari prices in New Zealand dropped today stimulated by the catch of the half-ton beast in Antarctica seas.