South Galway - (ReUterus): Interpol says that a variation of Michigan dead dog buggery syndrome which was widely reported in the press this week has now spread to the boglands of South Galway following the arrest of a Animal Rights activist Thomas Aloysius McCarney at a Galway city centre hotel.
McCarney was said to have been dressed in latex and handcuffs when the Guardai arrived and found him in flagrente delicto with a donkey to his room.
When they arrested him on suspicion of animal cruelty and read him his rights, McCarney muttered something about having been advised "to get out and nake friends," the local court heard today.
McCarney was indicted on charges of cruelty to animals, lewd and obscene behaviour, and with being a danger to himself and others.
Prosecution later clarified the dead dog syndrome comparison and said that at the time of the arrest the ass had appeared to have been perfectly alive.
Another charge of damage to a mini-bar in the room was dropped after the defendant claimed that it was the donkey who caused that damage: "Bleedin' ass! Him was so pissed he swallowed the key to the handcuffs. And then proceeded to kick the livin' bejeasus out of the mini-bar when the liquor ran out!"
Hotel receptionist Ms Irina Legova (sic) testified that McCarney told her that the donkey was a family pet, "a breed of 'super rabbit' which he was bringing to a pet fair in the city".
Reports that the donkey is now in specialist couples-counselling therapy following its night of passion are unconfirmed.
McCarney ended up being fined £2,000 for buggering the donkey under the Irish Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837.
