Dutch female 84-year-old, poker-faced, poker player, divulges her life-long winning secrets!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Friday, 20 November 2020

image for Dutch female 84-year-old, poker-faced, poker player, divulges her life-long winning secrets!
Never under estimate 84-year-old- poker-faced-female-poker players; they'll strip you naked!

(NOT EDITED) After a career of playing poker with all-comers of all ages, and winning, a Dutch 84-year-old has decided to divulge her secrets, but only to her sons, who never had a chance of beating her.

Before she goes completely loopy, she has decided to 'come out' of her poker-faced closet, and explain how to become a 'serial-killer' poker player.

"It's easy," she says, "just start singing Double Dutch folk songs when your competitors are attempting to be poker-faced while studying their hands!"

"It completely throws them, they then throw away their ace cards without thinking, then I strike with impunity, even if I'm bluffing, they always fall for it, and 90% of the time, I win!"

In Dutch poker there are no rules a about singing Double Dutch folk songs during a game. Cards up one's sleeves, X-ray glasses, fixed packs of cards, friends giving secret signals, plus other tricks of the trade, are forbidden. But psychological warfare, and hidden intimidation through humming and singing is not.

The Dutch 84 year-old has even played poker against a Turkish Mafia gang, Russian assassins, Italian Camorra, and Moroccan drug cartels. She beat them silly and, even escaped with her life. As soon as she started humming and singing, innocently, they thought nothing of it, not knowing that she was sending invisible waves of disturbing electric currents that distort the brain.

She is now a retired multi-millionaire, and is teaching her sons mediaeval Dutch folk songs, which nobody has ever heard of. She also tap-dances in her clogs, making sure the notes of the songs are drummed into their brains, so they know exactly when to start humming, or singing during a game.

The legal, Dutch poker fraternity, are over the moon that she has retired, but still cannot fathom out why they lost so many millions to her. The sons, who cannot sing a note in tune, have vowed to continue her legacy. However, the Dutch underground, criminal, poker-playing world, will only allow deaf and dumb, over 84-year-old OAP female, poker-faced players, to participate in their games, because they cannot stand the shame!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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