A Berkshire man, who renamed himself World's Meanest-Bastard, has been voted the world's meanest bastard by The Spoof readers, having just completed a round trip of 5000 miles to save ten pence on a litre of petrol. Mr. Meanest-Bastard read here that fuel is cheap in Baghdad, so he bought himself a Humvee, and drove to Baghdad, a round trip of some 5000 miles, and filled up.
To secure his huge saving of ten pence, smart arse Mr. Meanest-Bastard joined a gang of insurgents, trained in armed combat for forty days in Syria, kidnapped and beheaded a journalist, and negotiated for three weeks with a US team before netting his saving of over ten pence.
Upon returning to his home town of Reading, Mr. Meanest-Bastard, proud father of two, said:
'When I spend a quid, I expect to get two-quid in return, cos at the end of the day that's what it's all about.'
Mr. Meanest-Bastard's next trip will be to the gas fields of Russia, because The Spoof has learned that gas is literally escaping out of the ground, and can be bagged for nothing. If you have heard of something going for nothing, email The Spoof, and we'll pass it on to mean bastards everywhere.