Adverts Getting On Man's Tits

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 24 October 2019

image for Adverts Getting On Man's Tits
Just what are the algorithms thinking?

A man who has admitted he finds the world of advertising "somewhat distasteful" has spoken out about adverts he has encountered on a website he uses, and says they are starting to get on his fucking nerves.

Moys Kenwood, 56, a writer on TheSpoof.com, a satirical news website, said he loathes the cynical way advertising coerces gullible people into making purchases they neither want nor need by constantly subjecting them to a barrage of untruths about the quality of the product the advert is promoting. He said:

"I loathe the cynical way advertising coerces gullible people into making purchases they neither want nor need, by constantly subjecting them to a barrage of untruths about the quality of the product the advert is promoting."

There was more:

"I have recently been bombarded by a plethora of adverts in which I am not remotely interested, ranging from one that advises me I can save on auto insurance, to one which tries to sell me office windows that reduce glare and, as a result, drowsiness. These are inappropriate," because, he says:

"I don't have a car, and I enjoy feeling drowsy."

Other adverts included encouragement to start accepting Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies, and a blunt question:

"Wanna meet Asian women?" Kenwood:

"I can tell you, I meet Asian women EVERY DAY, and it's a fact that they're not all they're cracked up to be! To be asked this question on the internet whilst I'm busy doing other things is not something I particularly want or appreciate, I'll thank you very much!"

He had also seen adverts in Romanian, telling him to:

"Vino sa lucrezi in Cel Mai Bun Studio de Videochat European!", and to:

"Aplica la job."

He said:

"What the fuck is going on here? Do I look like I can speak Romanian?"

The last straw came this morning when he opened his account to do some editing, and was confronted with the rather unpleasant image of a muscular gentleman's crotch area covered in what can only be described as a tiger-print jockstrap, in an advert that also promised free shipping with orders over $40.

"This is getting on my fucking nerves!" said the moaner. "And my tits!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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