Bern, Switzerland. Special to The Spoof. The International Fisheries Commission today warned that a rare Pacific Ocean jellyfish, the Blue Hawaii, is near extinction, and will not survive beyond 2022.
In a formal report, the commission found the cause to be the successful advertising by a pharmaceutical producing a memory loss antidote in the form of pills containing calcium protein taken from the tentacles of this jellyfish.
One fish can provide enough protein for only six pills. With thirty million seniors in just the U.S. taking one pill a day, and several hundred million worldwide suffering from brain fog, the 2022 date for the demise of the Blue Hawaii seems assured.
A Facebook site has revealed how easy it is to take the protein from these specific jellyfish. Aquariums around the world increased security after all the Blue Hawaiis in the San Francisco Sea Spray Aquarium were stolen a week ago. All were found dead in a dumpster outside their tank - but the tentacles had been removed from each one.
Efforts to ban commercial jellyfishing have been blocked by the Trump administration, which has cited the financial threat to the American pharmaceutical company producing the pill in question.