Man Was Scared Shitless Five Times In As Many Minutes!

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 19 February 2019

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A man who is of a nervous disposition revealed how he was pushed to his 'very limits' last night, when, sitting watching the television, he was startled five times within five minutes.

John Perkins, 57, told of how he was quietly viewing the latest episode of EastEnders in the peaceful surroundings of his living room in Rhyl, when, like a bolt out of the blue there was a knock at his door.

The Welshman sat bolt upright in his armchair, scared almost out of his wits. Who could it be? Gingerly, he crept towards the window, and peeked through a hole in his curtains to see who had encroached onto his estate.

It was just a man delivering a new phone book, and John took the book, bade the man farewell, and returned to his chair.

As he sat down, he was again thrown into a state of high-alert: the telephone rang, and he started to perspire. Who could it be? He lifted the receiver, and was relieved to discover it was only a wrong number.

Next, an ambulance rushed by outside with its blue light flashing and siren blaring, sending anxious John into a fit of panic. "Someone is close to death," he imagined, in terror.

This thought having cleared his senses, a flash of lightning lit up his dark-and-dismal living room, followed by an almighty clap of thunder that sounded as it were in his bedroom. He curled up in a ball, peeping out again only when he heard the drumroll to signify the end of EastEnders.

As the storm continued all around him, Perkins, on edge, perspiring, shaking and whimpering, reached for the remote to change the channel. As he did so, a slight draught of air, blowing from outside, moved the living room door a little, the result being a long and creepy creaking which sent shivers up his spine, and a warning into his underpants, where he was now touching cloth.

Perkins paid an essential visit to the toilet - completely oblivious to a cat knocking over a milk bottle outside - then washed his hands and face, brushed his teeth, and went to bed early, in order to avoid watching any more of the evening's TV offerings, which, he knew, were shocking.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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