Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 10 November 2018

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image for Man Changes His Age, As He's Just About Had Enough
Nondescript, 91

A 49-year-old former office worker has become so depressed and fed up with his very existence, that he has decided to 'be older' so that his new age will bring the date of his death that much nearer.

John Nondescript (not real name) claims that his life is so mundane, so tedious, and so unbearable, that he cannot bear it much longer, and now 'considers' himself to be 91 years old. John, has never worked.

"I've had enough, to be honest," he said, adding, it's hard to bear this level of unbearableness."

Whilst other people are currently busy changing their ages to become younger in bids for romance, or their genders, for reasons best known to themselves, Nondescript feels that the lack of fairness and equality in society, the inability to do anything about it, and the constant feeling of being 'just a number', make living life to its full term something akin to torture, and he's taken positive action to alleviate his pain. He said:

"I'm now 91 years old - deal with it! I'm not even going to notify the authorities! Fuck them! What are they going to do about it? I'm 91, and I don't see many 91-year-olds going to prison! Death? Bring it on!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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