Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 18 November 2018

image for Thanksgiving Day - But When?
Soon be Christmas!

Thanksgiving Day, that special day of the year, set aside to celebrate and give thanks for the harvest and all things Natural - but when is it?

"Why, it's the fourth Thursday in November!" all Americans will be screaming - but it's not as simple as all that.

In Canada, for example, Thanksgiving is already in the past, having been celebrated on the second Monday of October, and, in the Caribbean, in St. Lucia, it was the week before that - the first Octobian Monday.

Down Under, in Australia, Thanksgiving takes place on the last Wednesday in November, which, if organised correctly, should be the day before the US celebration.

In Liberia - Africa, that is - the folks give thanks on the first Thursday in November, though they frequently have nothing to thank anyone for. The Dutch say "Dank" on the first Wednesday of the very same month, but in Grenada, they're very specific: no matter what happens, Thanksgiving is on 25 October, no questions asked.

In Japan, everyone is so arrogant, they don't bother with Thanksgiving. In China it's held according to the results of a sitting of the I Ching, held on the first rainy day in March, and in the Philippines, where they just can't wait, they're at it early, on 21 September! Those excitable Filipinos!

In England, of course, people deny that there is anything to thank anyone else for, all they possess having been the result of their very own hard graft. And in Russia, people celebrate Thanksgiving with a bowl of cabbage soup on Christmas Day - it kills two birds with one shot of nerve agent.

Finally, to France, where they celebrate in a quite different way. Amorous French couples give each other thanks at the time of the Autumn solstice - usually around 23 September - by assuming the 'Soixente-neuf' position, and giving not only thanks, but 'a little bit extra' as well.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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