Written by Wesley Janson

Thursday, 2 August 2018


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Lonely Man Discovers that He is Blessed

After years upon years of suffering severe emotional pain while writhing in the purgatory of loneliness, Roger Krobb, 39, finally looked at the married couples around him and decided that he was blessed.

"I used to be lonely as a younger man growing up. I was a nice guy, so I couldn't get a date to save my life. Every woman I was attracted to turned me down, and they always pushed me away," Roger stated.

When lead reporters further questioned him about the numerous rejections he had faced in the younger stages of his life, Roger recalled that the women he had tried to sincerely ask out for a date (or perhaps even get close to) usually replied with the words, "I need some time to think."

"That statement usually meant that they already had an 'asshole' of a boyfriend and that they were merely flattered that I had shown interest in them because it suited the faulty, twisted, misguided, immature, egotistical, 'goddess-like,' perception that they all had about themselves when they were younger," Roger added.

"I never had a chance. They simply enjoyed my sincerity because it was another notch on their belt supporting the misconceived idea that they would be beautiful and wanted forever," Roger further confessed.

After seeing how married couples fight all the time, have children, suffer through jobs they don't like, have mid-life breakdowns, cheat on each-other, and eventually get divorced in their early-to-mid 40's, Roger decided that he has been blessed in life.

"After being rejected all those years, I finally have the chance to see these people get older and have major, severe, irreconcilable problems that they will never ever be able to fix," he happily stated.

Roger is currently single, unmarried, and has a job that he likes. He owns his own bank account, nobody judges him or nags at him constantly, he has never suffered a mid-life crisis, he hasn't been cheated on, and he doesn't owe any child support.

He likes to go hunting and fishing every now and then while drinking beer, and when he wants to pay for sex with a cheap prostitute in Thailand, he does it!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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