Dramatic scenes of tomato warfare have been witnessed in major Indian cities as tomato prices soar and ketchup runs out!
In Spain, the famous tomato throwing fiesta called La Tomatina, in Valencia, has been postponed because multi-millionaire Indians are buying up all supplies and shipping them back to India! Valencian authorities have decided to open up their bullfighting arena to cope with tourist demands for blood red fiestas!
Meanwhile, back in India, security guards armed with machine guns are protecting crops of tomatoes because tomato mad, thieving Indian kids are nicking thousands of the things to flog on the Black Market! If anybody is caught, they will have their hands chopped off in public, Saudi style; such is the demand of the red tomato!
A global ketchup producer called "Baked Beans" (name changed for legal reasons!), are demanding that all available tomatoes be purchased and sent to their Indian ketchup plant because they are running out rapidly due to the "fast / junk food tsunami" sweeping through the country; and this is causing the horrendous price rise!
Rich Indians were last seen storming pawnbroker shops hoping to flog their gold trinkets so they can buy the precious old tomato before there are none left.
Italy, major producer of tomatoes, has offered to send container loads of tomatoes to India and African illegals in return for help in reducing the
illegal immigrant crisis! The Indian government have agreed to take thousands of them, but Africans attempting to enter Europe illegally have protested and said:
"What's the point of risking our lives escaping from one slum in Africa to end up in a Calcutta slum; fuck de tomatoes man, I want Euros and not rupees!"