MAPLE LEAF, CANUCKA - Among the most unhygienic people in the world, Canucks think nothing of using public swimming pools as their personal urinals.
A recent study of two pools of different sizes indicated that a 220,000-gallon pool contained 75 liters of urine, the other pool, half its size, 35 liters. That's about 20 gallons and nine gallons, respectively.
Asked what he thought about the study's findings, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said, "When you gotta go, you gotta go."
Jane Philpott, Minister of Health, suggested, "There's more room outside than inside."
Asked what measures Health Canada was undertaking to rectify the pissy pools situation, Philpott said, "We're posting cute public service posters featuring Calvin, from the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, wee weeing into a pool, above a caption that reads, 'Hold Your Water!'"
She anticipates the campaign will be successful.
If not, Health Canada has a Plan B: "We will require swimmers to wear nappies" (in American parlance, diapers).
Upon word of the government's anti-pee policy, the value of Depend and other adult diaper stocks rose sharply.