Swedish prosecutor sends Valerie Thighborg to London to summarize the Assange case

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

image for Swedish prosecutor sends Valerie Thighborg to London to summarize the Assange case
Ms. Thighborg's presentation was interrupted due to problems with her accent

A new update on the Assange case is again rising to the surface. Ms. Valerie Thighborg, who has visited Mr. Assange twice previously (reported in these pages) has returned to Ecuador's London embassy to review Mr. Assange's current interrogation.

Accompanied by an additional special prosecutor in a black suit (known as Mr. Black), Miss Thighborg sat down with Mr. Assange and the Ecuadorian prosecutor to continue the current interviews.

Ms. Thighborg apparently began "Darleeng . . ." but immediately changed that to "Mr. Assange."

Witnesses indicated some problems with Ms. Thighborg's accent.

Mr. Assange, however, seemed totally clear, slight smile on his pale features, pale hair somewhat disorderly.

Ms. Thighborg's mistake in addressing Mr. Assange brought some murmuring in the room so that Mr. Black momentarily stood (hunched over) before resuming his seat at the table next to Ms. Thighborg.

Ms. Thighborg then proceeded to address Mr. Assange with what sounded like:

"Would you prefer I return this evening in my short white skirt which you love so much . . ." bringing several witnesses at the hearing to their feet.

Ms. Thighborg then clarified with: "I meant to say would you prefer I return this evening with a short excursion clarifying why we insist you be held in this embassy under these conditions . . ." (the last word sounding like "condeeshuns").

Mr. Assange apparently mumbled for her to go ahead right then, somewhat lingering on the word "ahead. " (Analysts not sure of his meaning.)

Ms. Thighborg immediately followed with a list of Mr. Assange's problems:

*enemy of the "Cleentun" political party in the US due to Wikileaks exposures of the "Cleentun FrownDation."

*enemy of Mr. Obama who "please darleeng don't be ridiculous" is so intent on "being the how you say lame duck magneef-ee-sense, of course he won't pardon you . . ."

(At this point the hearing room at the embassy was even noisier, Mr. Black rising and sitting again, Mr. Assange still quietly pale.)

*although no charges have been filed, and the case was dropped by the previous prosecutor to the current one, Ms. Ingrid Isren, "Sweeden most co-op-er-ate weeth the politically correct Amurkian and Europeen community . . . "

*because most of the world wants to see you "in jail cell, darleeng, or the dangle from Breetish lamp post . . ."

(Mr. Black had Ms. Thighborg by the elbow, urging her to rise, in order to remove her from the hearing, now in uproar.)

A highly placed (but anonymous) spokesperson at the Embassy indicates Ms. Thighborg has not yet been escorted back to Sweden to face charges and imprisonment.

She seeks Ecuador's protection at the London embassy to avoid extradition.

Mr. Assange reports he has room in his small quarters to accommodate her, and "Some company would be welcome."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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