Lahore, Pakistan - A global charity dedicated to eradicating international louse pandemics among juveniles has been closed down by the authorities for alleged anti-competition activities against the Pakistan Nit Company.
Shave the Children has been battling a non-stop war against the spreading of filthy infestations by its ideological rivals who hold Pakistani monopoly over 3,000 species of wingless Phthiraptera order bugs.
Classified by the UN Bug Council as human disease agents the horrible critters are described as obligate ectoparasites of every avian and mammalian order except for monotremes (WTF dat? Ed).
This morning the charity's entire regional team was escorted under armed guard to a waiting airplane for immediate deportation amid reports that its senior officials 'had been caught' spreading pubic lice.
"We strongly refute these allegations," CEO Dusty Skalp-Scratchitt said in an emergency statement.
Last year Pakistan's military intelligence (sic) linked the anti-nit charity to fake vaccination programmes used by the CIA to track down Osama Bin Laden who it is claimed suffered from a lifetime of simian pubic lice spread by his faithful gorilla Dubya.
A bottle of DDT Lotion retails in Islamabad for around 25 cents.
