Iraq - (Bleedin Cheek Mess): Widespread paranoia among IS renegades has seen millions of women rounded up and incarcerated in makeshit - uh, makeshift! - menstruation huts ahead of next Tuesday's full moon.
The huge colony of 'bleedin' shacks' has been erected amid wildcat rumors that apostate sperm-snatching hob gobblins are about to suck the bejaysus from Islamic State rebels' manhoods.
It means all females of child bearing rage are automatically suspects as IS imams continue to warn about a multi-headed shape-shifting she-devil called the Succubus, a direct descendant of Adam's 'first wife' Lilith.
The creature has been described as having poison-tipped fangs, birdlike claws and a serpentine tail with which she regularly wreaks havoc during sordid matings at the time of the Harvest Moon.
This year's lunation is thought to be particularly susceptible to the Succubus' wrath following the death of US comedian Joan Rivers - whose form the she-devil is thought to have used in an unsavory incident back in '69.
Her fellow succubi demons Mahalath, Agrat Bat Mahlat and Naamah are still worshipped in the Maghreb where their patronage continues to bolster the region's fledgling sperm bank industry.
Catch the full impact of the Harvest Moon in the early hours of Tuesday morning as it transits the night sky ahead of Armageddon.
