Mexico City - The United Mexican States - more commonly referred to as simply Mexico - will close its doors later this year after 97 years as a country in its current political form. Modern-day Mexico had its beginnings with the Mexican Revolution in 1910 and the ultimate adoption of a Constitution in 1917, which came after decades of in-fighting, political changes and often-violent turmoil.
The closure was first reported by National Public Radio correspondent Mina Sotenburg who was in Mexico City on special assignment to research Mexico's rich heritage of inspiring uninspiring American restaurant chains.
Said Sotenburg "I went to the main public library to start my research, and there was a sign across one of the front doors that read '75% off all books'. And, in fact, the 75% had been written through and a large 90% was written next to it. Across the street, the Mexico Department of Dirt Roads and Donkey Paths was selling orange traffic cones and reflector poles for just pennies. The Department of Economic Development was actually giving away their computers. I was there early, so I was able to snag one of their better computers, a 1990 Mac Classic, a color Mac Classic mind you, for free. Totally free. I overheard a conversation and one guy said the military was selling attack helicopters for $125. I just know my son would love that so I'm heading over there right now."
Later in the day Mexico's President, Enrique Peña Nieto, made a statement to reporters. Said Nieto, "It is with sad hearts that we've come to this point, but we simply can't go on. It is just too hard to find good employees anymore. I personally tried to find a landscaper last week and could not find even one person who knows how to run a weed whacker. And dirty dishes are piling up all over the country. We've put flyers up in Ukraine to see if anyone there wants to move here. As I understand it things are not so great over there right now. Perhaps some of them will decide that picking lettuce is better than getting picked off by a Russian sniper. We can only pray. Well, as long as you don't need to pray with a priest. They've all left, too. That just amazes me. Mexico is more Catholic than the Pope."