U.S. Aircraft Carrier Claims To Be Transgender

Written by Catchthisdrift

Monday, 7 April 2014

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Male or female? What do you think?

Washington D.C. (LGBT Picayune) - The United States' aircraft carrier John C. Stennis, CVN-74, has filed suit in Federal District Court in Washington D.C. over the U.S. Navy's refusal to grant the carrier transgender status.

For centuries around the globe, boats and ships of all sizes have been referred to in the feminine. Phrases such as "She's a good ship"; "She'll weather this storm just fine"; "I'm assigned to her." It is a long-accepted tradition across the world's oceans and ports.

But the John C. Stennis objects to the categorization as a female. Said Stennis "I've never felt comfortable with that label. I feel like a him - I am a him. I've known it all along."

The requested change does not sit well with the U.S. Navy. Rear Admiral Vincent P. Vinnichetti looked out his office window towards the moored John C. Stennis and said "Whatsa mattuh you?"

John C. Stennis continued, "It isn't just that I feel like a man, and have never felt like a woman, it isn't just those feelings. It's more. Honestly, have you seen my rudder? That thing is huge, and it's been hanging off me my entire life. That is one masculine rudder."

The case is scheduled to be heard in early 2015. Said John C. Stennis, "Yes, I want to win the case, not just for myself but for all the transgender but silent sea-going vessels around the world. But no matter what the decision, I know what I am. I know who I am."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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