Inside the everything's classified and psychotherapy rooms deep behind the Oval Office

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

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Secret rooms behind The Oval Office?

The public's suspicion that there must be secret little rooms off the Oval Office has followed Mr. Clinton into both the Bush and Obama presidencies.

Mr. Clinton had sweetened one of these alcoves himself, a bold episode in White House history.

These secret quarters provide privacy away from official Oval Office business, and have a window looking on a White House lawn.

Here Mr. Bush and his colleague, Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia ("Bandar Bush"), enjoyed a cigar and glass of Pinot Noir as they discussed investments in oil and war in the middle east.

For Mr. Obama, this little room stores only the most cryptic matters, which are regularly sewn up into "classified" for the next 100 years.

Workers never leave this room, and their identities have been obliterated as additional assurance.

Their work entails the classified bin, where they dump various mistakes. Deviations with the law are also carefully considered.

Another small room houses three psychotherapists (who insist on anonymity).

Their task: supply secret intelligence on the mentalities of Washington leaders.

One explained that, versus "multiphrenic," the term "schizophrenic" applies only to a bipolar or schizoid type of mental condition.

But with "multi" the diagnosis moves to a multipolarity with several personas, as with a Mr. Hyde multiplied by five. Sometimes an internal group forms within one individual, all of them arguing.

The overall problem--perhaps syndrome is a better term than "problem"--with multiphrenic individuals is they tend to function according to a mix of hedonism plus inadequate assessment of personal power.

For example, it is rumored that Napolean once murmured, "My hand is inside my waistcoat only because I don't trust it."

This type of multiphrenic personality (henceforth known as "the patient") tends to be kept isolated by (sometimes fawning) assistants.

A second therapist explained that the patient often becomes a prime target of manipulators and charlatans.

However! In response to being manipulated he himself usually becomes manipulative.

(The "he" is applied here since studies do not yet include females. Ms. Merkel is possible as a future project.)

The patient's self-justification mechanisms cause him to experiment inside several of his "heroic selves."

*At one moment he may speak sympathetically as a member of the voting public.

*The next he proclaims as a world emperor deciding all moralities.

*Or, he may perform as misunderstood leader steeped deeply in international law.

This person may weave a self-supplicative narrative, because, as a power, he is never seriously challenged. (Of course his family and various pets are always affectionate.)

The third therapist explained more. This self-supplicating patient is like the emperor who wears no clothes.

The emperor who wears no clothes has disregarded his nakedness in the belief no one can see the pitiful state of his anatomy.

The reality is the man is laid bare by his brazen inconsistencies. The silence is thick, and everyone notices.

At this point the therapists' door closed, as did the door on "everything classified." The behind-the-oval-office tour ended.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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