Washington brains resume call for regime change in Syria via good guy militants, sanctions, and crystal ball deliberations

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

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NSA leak discloses new Google crystal ball innovation being used in current US foreign policy decisions

Led by the Albright Stonebridge Group (ASG) and its Chairman, Samuel "Sandy" Berger, new neo-con thinking has emerged looking forward on US interests in the current Syria tragedy.

Mr. Berger believes a revitalized combination of approaches is needed, as with more money to the opposition, sanctions, and a no-fly zone.

As to what those "US interests" are in need of defending, Mr. Berger indicates that, of the overall clatch of al qaeda type militants over there, some "newly arrived" are eager to attack "the homeland."

However, since these militants are quite busy at this time in wars with each other Mr. Berger's thesis may need some expansion.

Some analysts are asking are these "interests" aligned with actions by Saudi Arabia in support of the militants, as well as (through regime change) putting regional pressure on Lebanon and Iran?

A spokesperson for Mr. Berger reassured he has not been resorting to "crystal ball" reading, or indeed any substance abuse, for these conclusions.

Indeed, his thinking is substantive with quite a large sector of Washington deliberations on the matter.

The militants that Mr. Berger claims are "newly arrived" in Syria are joining other militants who have been there all along and fighting each other.

The "moderate" opposition has mostly been neutralized following months of inner fighting within the ranks of the jihadis.

Also, these militants have been estimated to be about eighty percent of the opposition, with their goal to establish a Caliphate in the region subject to sharia law.

According to Berger's plan the US must find the "moderates" and give them more money so that they will prevail.

The idea is that these "moderate" militants will protect the minority Christians, Alawites, and Shiites who otherwise will be wiped out if the "more extreme" jihadis prevail.

Mr. Berger is confident that the population of Syria is intent on having Mr. Assad gone, but within the last year studies have showed most Syrians actually prefer Mr. Assad.

This is perhaps because ordinary Syrians feel threatened by the extremists and prefer Mr. Assad. Many Syrians are fleeing the country due to this anxiety.

A few months ago at about the time of the possible (surgical) strike on Syria, enthusiastically supported by the Obama administration, Secretary of State Kerry said the extremist jihadi element was about twenty percent.

This number however was subsequently updated to more like eighty percent.

Despite these discrepancies Washington appears ready to once again mount the barricades for a more aggressive stance on Syria, again emphasizing its favorite option on the table, "Assad must go."

The ASG group and its chairman Sandy Berger support these actions they insist will reduce mayhem and bring stability to Syria.

Prizes for this kind of thinking are being considered at this time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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