Written by joseph k winter

Monday, 6 January 2014

image for Kim Jong-un satirists insist uncle as dog food story came from legitimate source
Dogs who chowed down on the uncle shown here in salute to The Dear Leader

Deep inside North Korea where no westerners live there is a cave which houses--entirely unsuspected by North Korean authorities--a strange person with long beard, rug cap, and laptop.

This person, according to interviews with spokespersons of all Kim Jong-un satirists on the planet (numbering who knows how many), has been the source of the steady supply of breaking news events from this tiny North Korean country.

His name is not important and carefully guarded anyway. He is the one who reported from a position atop a tall wall with barbed wire the false story of Mr. Kim's uncle being chopped to pieces and fed to dogs.

These 120 Manchurian hunting dogs that supposedly did the deed had been starved for several days prior to being ordered into action to devour anything put in front of them at the snap of a finger.

Whether the source was actually on the wall witnessing this event or laid up in his cave with a hangover in no way discredits the satirist who then took the story global. Confusion is always possible. The cave man may have dreamed it.

True, the entire world believed the uncle, Jang Song Taek, had actually been fed to the dogs, but none of this discredits the cave-man source located on the outskirts of Pyongyang.

The satirist who broke the dogs story has a direct line to this cave man on developments within the secret kingdom plus numerous followers tuning in to his blog, subtitled "The Hairpiece Does It Again!"

Meanwhile in the USA, a spokesperson for Mr. Kerry's office has admitted it was taken in, but that in North Korea "the far-fetched is not actually that far or that fetched from what could be and is probably going on there. We welcome more intelligence!"

Currently new possibilities to explain Mr. Jang's demise are being considered:

*he was dropped down an elevator shaft while shouting "Long live my revolution!" into one of North Korea's coal mines along the north-eastern border;

*he has been newly groomed and inserted into a hot spot on the globe, such as Beijing or Washington, to gather intelligence;

*he is in a re-education camp studying the memoirs and history of Kim, Il Sung, Mr. Jong-un's grandfather, and must write out "I honor the spirit of the Dear Leader" ten thousand times before being re-admitted to the kingdom as railroad platform sweeper;

*he has been processed into bulgogi--somewhat stringy but not too bad with kimche and soju--and freeze dried for upcoming ceremonies.

Experts in the satire community claim it is a tradition in North Korea to serve up political enemies on plates embroidered with gold on special occasions, and this is likely the case again as the new Dear Leader asserts himself for the future.

Watch for a new headline: "Kim Jong-un puts uncle on the menu at State Banquet"!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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