Clearwater, FLL.Ron Hubbard returned to a meat body today after traveling to Target Two and back following his death in 1986.
As everyone in the world knows (except low-level Scientologists), Xenu was the dictator of the Galactic Confederacy 75 million years ago. To solve the overpopulation problem, he brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes, killed them with H-Bombs, sucked up their souls and brainwashed them with films about religion. They went on to inhabit the Earthlings and still do, causing all of mankind's troubles.
Xenu, evil despot that he was, was captured and imprisoned in "an electronic mountain trap" in the Pyrenees Mountains.
Now that L. Ron Hubbard is back, he is furious that the Earth has not yet been cleared and has threatened to release Xenu "for Earth's own good" and "to teach them a lesson." L. Ron also said that since he is one of the most ethical people alive, that he would spare Earth if he is either given a trillion dollars or if everyone reported to their nearest Scientology org to get auditing.