Written by jd Balderdash

Sunday, 11 June 2006

image for Bin Laden Takes out State Farm Life Insurance after al-Zarqawi Strike

(q-NeWs) Missiles can fall from the heavens, missiles can rise from the sea. U.S. forces re-confirmed that FAQ after they sent "Vinny" al-Zarqawi to meet not only Allah but his 76 virgins as well. 77 if you count Katie Couric. Sources say Laden received a "most urgent" wake-up call after his top general bit the big one (two half ton missiles landing in the middle of the jacuzzi of his safe-house, splash)

State Farm Insurance, not releasing many details does confirm that someone named Laden with residence being "somewhere in Afghanistan" did apply for on-line and receive a 880 million term life insurance policy on his life with a 32 million dollar rider for his camel companion "Ja-mauel".

President Bush, happy to finally get ANY kind of decent press told reporters

"We got him. I know I promised you Bin Laden's head back then in the Trade Center rubble with that fireman but will al-Zarqawi's head on a platter tide you over for now? Condi? We got any clean platters back there in the kitchen?"

Big AL (Vinnie) as he was known in the Iraqi hood) routinely un-headed many coalition members live on camera then sold the grisly DVD's to Al Jazerra, Al Maq-meed, MTV and FOX news for revenue to fund future un-headings.

"If we had known our client was Osama Bin Laden we would not have sold him the policy" State Farm officials told reporters when asked "why in the heck" they sold a policy to Osama Bin laden. State Farm officials also deny rumors that they sold blimp insurance to Adolph Hitler in 1943.

MSNBC reports that autopsy results show that Zaqawi died not from the initial missile attack but from "panic attack" minutes later after realizing that GW Bush was the one to not only level his jacuzzi but send his Michelobe Light AND scantily clad jacuzzi companion AchMEED flying 4380 feet into the air.

State Farm Insurance, currently officially bankrupt after paying Katrina homeowners over 37 trillion dollars still maintains a website, a few offices in Boise and a Yellow Page ad so they have to be legit since they're in the Yellow pages.

Funeral services for the remnants of Big Al "Vinny" (al-Zarqawi) will be held next Sunday at the nearest unbombed Iraqi Mosque, weather permitting. Refreshments WILL be served. BYOI (bring your own Ipod).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Strike, insurance

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
90 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more