Written by MonkeyInTheBath

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

image for Cameron: Middle East problems could be solved by a game of soggy biscuit
Nom! Soggy biscuit!

After reading a report commissioned by Eton College, Prime Minister David Cameron has supported its recommendation that the Middle East tensions between Israel and Palestine could be solved by the "biscuit game". He has written to UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon to see if a UN resolution can be drafted on the issue. Mr Ki-moon is known to be a fan of the game. When he was at school in his native Korea, he often used to play as the biscuit.

For those not familiar with it, the biscuit game is also known as "soggy biscuit" or "spunky biscuit", and the last participant to spill his seed on the biscuit is the loser. Both Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestianian President Mahmoud Abbas are known to be keen players, as the report notes, and it would be a simple matter to set up a game with impartial referees, with the winner's state receiving the disputed territories.

David Cameron has previously suggested that other conflicts could have been resolved in the same way. It is thought that Saddam Hussein also enjoyed the biscuit game, and that the Iraqi wars could have been averted had it been used during the diplomacy.

Even WW2 could have turned out differently if the two sides had played the game. Of course, Germany would have been at a disadvantage since Adolf Hitler was only firing on one cylinder.

However, critics have pointed out that is unlikely that Israel and Palestine will agree to any contest. Not only would the loser have to suffer the indignity of their people losing the contested land - itself hard to swallow - but they would also have to eat the biscuit.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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