David Cameron deeply regrets own goal at QPR

Funny story written by Rebel Not Taken

Monday, 26 September 2011


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Karl Marx with two QPR fans.

Aston Villa fan David Cameron has expressed his regret and outrage after a late own goal by defender Richard Dunne cost his team 3 valuable points against QPR.

"That donkey Dunne has let the whole country down and ruined my weekend" stated the Prime Minister after basking in the autumn sunshine at Shepherd's Bush.

The Aston Villa own goal specialist had been voted Man Of The Match just minutes before he kicked the ball into his own net.

The Prime Minister told Gary Neville that he was "as sick as a parrot" after interrupting a 6 month break in Tuscany in Saliva Berlusconi's villa to see The Villains only draw against social misfits QPR.

All seemed to be going according to the Tory manifesto with Villa heading for an undeserved victory after a series of bizarre decisions by 26 year old rookie referee Michael Oliver, an Old Etonian, who is also Conservative MP for Aston, and has declared a secluded villa with a swimming pool in Aston as his second home.

But according to a proper whistle-blower, the 'bastard in black' is a lifelong Villa fan, who wears claret and blue underpants, takes it up the Jacksie, and has N'Zogbia tattood on his minuscule penis. He has also been identified by The Daily Mail as a potential future Prime Minister and is held in high regard by nonces in the FA.

"We are fast tracking Michael Oliver to become an inbred Tory toff and a Grand Mason on the recommendation of Italian Head Mason Fabio Capello", stated FA Chairman Sir Gilbert Slaphead-Mason from the Masonic Lodge in Wembley.

QPR fans were less than impressed with the bent official after he gave a unjustified penalty against Armand Traore for "touching another players shirt" and arrogantly waved away QPR appeals for two legitimate penalties after loutish Villa defender Alan Hutton saved certain goals by grabbing the ball with his hands.

The mood of social unrest and bitter resentment against corrupt authority had spread like wildfire through the downtrodden QPR camp last night with militant leader Joey7Barton denigrating the Capitalist Warlords.

Joey's tweet to RealDJCampbell quoting the dictum from Lord Acton that "All power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely" captured the Zeitgeist of the match and perfectly embodied the mood of Neil Warnock's beleaguered troops.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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