The threat of a possible future nuclear holocaust at the hands of Iran is up in the air after the surprising resignation of deputy head of Iran's Atomic Energy Agency, Mohammad Saidi. Saidi abrubtly announced his resignation in the middle of a press conference today in Tehran, siting "irreconcilable differences" as his reason for separation from the agency. Shortly after the press conference, a reliable source told reporters that Saidi intends to pursue partial custody of agency records, the condo in Florida, and full custody of their dog, Hiroshima.
A long time bee in the collective bonnet of the UN, Saidi was in his own words, "hell-bent" on pushing ahead with Iran's uranium enrichment program for an alternative energy source, a program the U.S. fears would lead to nuclear weapons. With research on nuclear fuel resuming in Iran for the first time in over two years since inspectors placed seals on the facilities, Saidi's sudden resignation baffled reporters. "It was like a child finally getting a toy he's been begging for for months and then having him not want it," said New York Times international corrospondant Richard Spade. "Yeah," added Times intern, Shelly Imbisall, "it's like in high school when I finally told my boyfriend I was ready to lose my virginity and all of the sudden he couldn't get it up." (For the record, the look on Spades face was priceless on that one.) Following the press conference, rumors regarding Saidi's departure included that of Saidi's unwelcome love affair with the collective works of Neil Diamond to the Agency's cumbersome cocaine habit. While the real reason remains a mystery, one thing is for certain. The international community will be waiting with baited breath as a new deputy head is chosen. "We can only hope that the new deputy head shares in our strong opposition to weapons of mass destruction," commented Whitehouse spokesman Scott McClellan. When asked about his plans for life after the Iranian Atomic Energy Agency, Saidi said he plans to join estranged brother Jason Alexander in NBC's desparate ploy to resurrect viewers: The Costanza Brothers. Look for them late this spring on Thursday night's must-see TV following Will & Grace.