Crawford, Texas -- A top anonymous source at the Crawford White House today announced that Karl Rove will replace President Bush's nomination to the Supreme Court, Judge Samuel Alito. This news comes as no shock to hardened White House insiders who have seen the embattled Alito losing ground on both sides of the aisle.
Rove, who never went to college, has been a thorn in the side of Democratic politicos for years. He has engineered a number of successful Republican campaigns for his close friend, George W. Bush, most notably the Presidential elections of 2000 and 2004.
Over time, Democratic Senators and Representatives have tried unsuccessfully to nail Rove on some kind of charge or another to get him out of the White House where his political strategies have run them ragged.
Now comes the latest and greatest Rove strategy of all: The President will have no problem getting the Senate to confirm Rove in record time. This will take Rove out of the White House for good--for the rest of his life. There is no record of Rove's opinions written down anywhere so there is nothing to roadblock his appointment.
Reactions in Washington have been widely varied. One Chairman of the Democratic National Committee who wished to remain anonymous said, "yeaarrrrrrrrrgggggghhhh!"
A Senator from West Virginia who was dedicating a bridge named for himself, mentioned Rove by name and then misquoted several Bible passages and a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet.
A former New York Times reporter refused to comment more than, "I'm not going back to jail for that rat bastard."
Some pundits have tried to point out that the Democrats may be taking a very short range view of this appointment, but this is nothing new.
In this exclusive interview the anonymous official said that President Bush had to do something to break the Senate logjam and that his choices came down to Rove and Henry Wade, former D.A. from Dallas, who has been dead for several years. The President said that when it got down to Rove v. Wade, he had to go with Rove.
Rove is expected to be confirmed by unanimous vote.