Written by Super-fan

Friday, 18 November 2005

image for Pillsbury Doughboy Sick of Being Poked
Above: The Pillsbury doughboy,now infected with acid reflux, as he prepares to sue Pillsbury.

After receiving the horrible news of having acid reflux, the Pillsbury doughboy told Americans around America that he was sick of being poked. This is horrible news for Pillsbury, who has based their campaign for years around the cute sound that the Pillsbury doughboy emits after being poked. "This is horrible news to the entire industry. Not only have we lost our best advertisement character, we have shown Americans everywhere that even the smallest and cutest character on TV can get an incurable disease." Says a Pillsbury employee. "We have made a powerful enemy in the Pillsbury doughboy."

On live TV, the Pillsbury doughboy talked about the abuse he had suffered over the years, how the little children, along with everyone else, laughed at his "hehe," while really, that was him crying in pain. The delicious pastries always staring him eye to eye didn't help either. " I used to be such a healthy doughboy," Cried Doughboy in between his patented "hehe." "I really was. I only tasted little morsels of the things I made. But when I came to Pillsbury, they fattened me up with the sweetest cookie dough and pastry. They forced it upon me, and it has destroyed me forever. Hehe." The Pillsbury doughboy then spat out a piece of crisp pastry.

The Pillsbury doughboy is preparing to sue Pillsbury. He has found a lawyer in lucky. "With his luck, shown in his getting of the lucky charms without getting poked, we are sure to win this," A Doughboy spokesman reports. Doughboy will be suing for 6 million dollars and retirement benefits coming this fall.

Analysts believe this is only the beginning. "I believe that other characters will begin to fall as a result of their commercial abuse. The trix rabbit will get depression, after "htts of never getting those trix, and fruit twistable's grape just won't recover from the multiple squashings."

Food companies are fearing the verdict of this lawsuit. If Doughboy wins, it could mean the end of commercial characters forever. Even if he looses, it will inspire the creation of a union for the rights of cartoon comercial characters. This could change the direction of commercials forever.

Doughboy will be changing his name to Tom McLaughlin, due to the tm following every picture of him, and due to his disdain of Pillsbury.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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